Recently I have been thinking a lot more about happiness. What makes me happy, how long I am happy for, when I am happy. With a new year, many of us make certain vows and resolutions. One of mine was to be positive, and allow myself to feel happiness. I have often kept happiness at bay. Too scared to taste too much of it. Too scared for it to fade and to be left wanting it again.
However, I have come to realise that life is a very big and beautiful thing. In its people, in its nature. And nobody should live their life, ruled by fear. I have also come to realise that happiness is often not a thing that can come to you in a day. Like beauty and all sorts of other things it is reckless, relentless and powerful. It rips you, and builds you. I often feel happiness. Little surges of wonder. However, happiness is a journey. One where we will fall and bruise. And it will take time.
One of the biggest things I learned in 2016 is that life is beautiful because it is imperfect. And some of the happiest things, some of the most beautiful examples of life are things that are imperfect. And the happiest things, are imperfect too. The most happy memories, the most full of wonder, are the ones driven by this imperfect beauty. And though I forget pretty much every day. Things do not have to be perfect, to be utterly beautiful.
My most treasured memories, are the ones where I have been uncaring. Where I have been strong, brave, fearless. Where I have beaten fear and created colour. Where I have left a slight mark, or made a smile. Where I have dared to go beyond. Where I have let myself feel happiness and not thought for the consequences.When I have given my heart to life and my head to happy.
You see, we are only ever living, when we are not stressing about being alive.
I believe that life is made of many things. But happiness, by far, is one of the absolute most important. It destroys when it leaves, but gives life when it enters. So please, do not fear happiness. The little jolts of wonder. Revel in every imperfect beautiful second you have. Dance in the rain, defy convention and be unique. But most importantly, let yourself feel it. Know that it may take a while, but it will come. And when it does, know you are worthy of it. Then spread it, to every other piece of life your mind can touch.