Sometimes, I just want to take you all into my life. All of you wonderful people who make me smile every day. I want to scoop you all up and meet you. Give you hugs and talk about our lives. Sometimes, I just want to show you me. I want to have that connection you get when you actually see somebody. When they are real and right in front of you.But I just don’t think I am ready for not writing annoymously. And if I am being honest, I think you would all be a little surprised. Because this here, is the piece of me people do not expect ME to be. They expect me to be different things and to think different things, to like different things. So they get that exterior. The one they judge me upon. The one they get to see. You do not get that. But you get the part that people don’t expect it to be. You get different parts of me. And I just hope one day, I can merge the two together.
You see, I don’t talk much about my life on here. Not because I fear you will see pieces of my exterior. But from the fear that I will come across as sounding something that I am not. My character is one to take pain, deal with it, and not speak. I either write, or angrily do something else. Sometimes I just lay here numb. But I never can find it within me to just talk about it. I don’t want this to be negative. I don’t want people comforting me, or giving me their sympathy, as much as I am grateful for it.Because I have always always dealt with pain on my own.
The truth is, your girl is struggling. My mind is a little all over the place. And it is hard for me to describe. I just have so many important life changing things to be doing, deadlines to meet. People to please, including myself. Whilst battling with a mind that is so secretly destroyed. This is a huge stage in my life, and my character and mind is changing with every day. I have all of these things to do, and to focus on. But I can’t, because I am so utterly broken.
My heart panics and speaks through flutters. My mind is dripping and too sad to be normal. But I just keep on going. Because deep down I know where I want to be, and who I want to be. And I have to work for it. The thing is, you would not expect me to be this broken. You would not expect half the broken people to be broken, because they learn to paint themselves whole. Or maybe its just us that paint our minds to pretend that they are whole.
If there is one thing I need it is a space. To breathe and create. And I am so grateful you give that to me. I will forever be grateful to everybody who supports me and my writing/ my crazy mind. I hope you can see the meaning behind my words, and that it helps or effects you in some way. I really hope I can make your day and make you feel a little less broken. You people and this place is one of the things that keeps me running while broken. You keep me running towards my dreams, so thank you. I love you all.
I hope you thoroughly enjoyed my emotional breakdown, have a great day. Know you are not alone,We are all a little bit broken.