Sometimes I think about how heavily I rely on dreaming. Not just your light daydream, full on planning for this extravagant future that my heart wants so much and my soul needs in order to breathe. I have always been one to love dreaming about the future and have a firm mindset that if you want something, you can get it. You just have to work.. But along with these dreams comes the crippling sinking feeling that you are currently not ‘that’. I live as though this ideal me is all I want to be, then when I realise said dream is not real I get sad. Because right now, I don’t like the simplicity of my life, I don’t like that I have to do these normal things. So I’m left wondering, trapped in a brightly lit mind full of comforting thoughts about a beautiful future. One where I won’t be stagnant anymore.
My beautiful future consists of many beautiful things, things that will stab me in my sleep because as much as I tell myself it will happen, it has to happen, I am a human and my heart will continuously doubt every thought I make. Of course it will. This future consists of happiness, and I am purely myself. I write or do something else I love, and I look for beauty in everything I see in the world. I travel, and am respected. I don’t panic, I rise.
I just can’t stand when things are still. I always have to keep on moving, because if not. How will I live. I always have something to run from. You cannot escape your mind, but my legs will try to, doing overtime and going too quickly while my mind is playing pretty pictures just to reassure itself that it does not last forever, that ripples will appear of even the most still of water.
I think dreaming is great. It gives me something to work towards. It makes sure I keep on moving and paints over the tears in my mind. It gives me something to run towards instead of running away. And they are beautiful things these dreams, pretty pictures, with pretty meanings and pretty words. The way they hurt me, makes me work. It makes me move.
They remind me to not listen, because I will be far away soon. My future will consist of happiness, I will be purely myself. I will write or do something else I love, I will keep looking for the beauty in everything and analyse the world. I will travel, I will be respected. I don’t panic, I will rise.
Dreaming lets my soul breathe.
I am not stagnant. I am not still.
Thank you so much for reading, if you enjoyed please do like comment, and follow my blog. It honestly means the world to me!
Find me on…