It’s been such a long while since I have written a updatery. I feel like writing this month has mainly consisted of rants and poetry. I think, at the moment I am exploring what I like to write about, and how I like to write it. So that element of casual kind of took a back seat for a while. This month has been one where I have had to think about my future too ( instant existential crisis) which is why I have been so utterly focused on this and writing. And just you guys, and the interweb. Because this is what I love to do, I just don’t know if I am good at it.
If I am being honest with you, which I have always told you I would be from the start. This month and the many before it have been shit. I have felt shit, everything has been shit. But I am trying my hardest to put a smile on my face and get through it. because that is the person I have learnt to become. I hate if people see that I am sad, or struggling, or breaking under pressure. I hate it because it makes me feel weak. I hate it becuase it makes me feel like I need somebody else, like I need something to make me happier becuase I can’t make myself happy. And I can’t. But I hate to admit that.
I feel like I am at a point in my life where I am continuously deciding things. And I cannot decide these things. I feel like I am at a point in my life where everything has to be mapped out, and I can’t map it out. Because I just don’t know the way yet. I don’t know what to do with my pure existence. But that is ok. Because we are all mapping our own way through life anyway, even if we have to rub out the lines, take 5 minutes and go back to it later. I just seem to be doing not enough mapping, and too much erasing.
On a giant positive note. We hit 400 followers. Which is crazy. Never did I think I would hit 400 followers, so thank you so much. I have met so many amazing people from the internet. And I am so happy to finally be a part of something that I have wanted to be a part of so long. You see, I love the internet. I love writing. I love you. I love the internet so much. And when looking at life, sometimes that is all that is clear to me.
I don’t want to restrict myself in life. I don’t want to have to choose one thing. Because a way of thinking, can take you on so many beautiful paths of different colours and patterns. And I don’t want to walk down one, I want to walk them all. And the internet does that. On the internet you can do anything. You can write anything, you can sing, dance, chat, love, laugh, hate. But most of all you can free yourself. Whichever part of yourself that you want.
So thank you, for allowing me to be able to do that. I may not be a great writer. And I may not be good enough to have a career in it. But I love it all the same. And I love you all the same. Because you are all my friends. You are all people like me, living on the internet. Finding your free.
Little side note, I am thinking about doing a Q&A. But I am not sure if you would all like it, so do tell my down below if you think I should, and leave some questions if you would like.
Thank you so much for reading, please like comment and follow my blog. It means the world to me.
You can read my last post here.