Sick inside

I am sick, I guess you can see it, now I have thought to point it out. I am sick, I am not my usual OK. Do you see my pale face? my obvious lack of food and water. Look at me, just look at me. With my chesty cough and puffy water filled eyes.Take a look,  for I am sick. Why can you not see?Look at all these used tissues, hear my snivelling nose. My face is turning grey now, slowly withering away, disappearing I guess you could say. No. No. You are wrong.Please take a look, look closer at me.I am wearing sloppy clothes, not my usual colour coordinated taste. I don’t care about my appearance today, I usually do, don’t you remember?

My makeup has tear stains running through it like carefully painted lines. Not its usual perfection. My motivation is gone, my body is slumped. I am not smiling, how can you just not see that I am not smiling today?Can’t you see the way I am spluttering, taking a step outside, my heart is racing, look at it beat. Look at it thrumming like a bird in a cage. I guess that’s what this is, I am a bird. I am the cage. Trapped within myself.

One of these days, you will notice. I am telling you. I look far to bad to go unnoticed. Look at the dark circles under my eyes, see that lack of sleep. Look at the way my mouth moves, so perfectly rehearsed as I say my most used words, you know those at least ‘ I feel sick’.I see it now. That familiar recognition on your face, for you have heard those same words again and again before, stuck like that same broken record.

I probably should have kept my mouth shut. They told me rather severely not to discuss these things.

Yes. Yes. I know. You can’t see it. Because I am sick, sick inside.

Thank you so much for reading, I hope you have a great day!

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Love, Misstery