Brace yourselves, for I am back. With another rambly post. But I feel like I have not done this in a while. And in some ways it is a version of therapy for me. Blogging is a metaphorical deep breath from reality, and I for one, love it. So recently, I have been in a really bad stage of my life. Every day I have been waking up, panicking, not wanting to do anything. The only thing my mind has been focused on is stress, stress, oh and here is some more stress. And I feel like the other day, I hit one of my lowest points. And I, Have never ever been one to show a sign of weakness. But I so almost did, so almost. I think it gets to that point sometimes. where you care so much, you try so hard, that eventually you mind, your body just goes numb. And you forget how to care. And you are just stuck in a prison of your own mind, and once you are there, it is so very hard to escape again.
I have always been that person that tries their utter hardest to succeed in anything and everything. I have always wanted everything to be pristine, perfect, and to the highest quality I can possibly make it. But I feel like this part of my character can cause me to forget completely about my own mental health and wellbeing. And all I end up caring about is succeeding. But succeeding in life does not just mean top of the class, succeding in life means good mental health and a positive outlook. And that, at the moment, I can say for sure, I do not have.
I always find that when I am sad, it is very hard to explain why I feel sad.because I do not know. Because I am numb, I have fallen within myself and I don’t care anymore. How can you explain to somebody that ‘just tired’ actually means tired of life and ‘ bad day’ actually means bad state of mind. Thing is, unless you find the right person, you can’t. You just have to find it within yourself to carry on, and give yourself a bit of comfort.
I think we often forget what self-love and comfort is. We often see indulging in a hobby, or going outside and taking a walk over getting some work done, as bad. But it should never be seen as bad. Because life is stressful, life is awful at times. And you cannot deal with that if you do not find a healthy balance between comfort and stress. Stress can be good, if we do not push ourselves in life, we will hinder our success as a person. We will not progress if we do not push ourselves. But stress to the point where you feel broken, is wrong. Because when you break once, it is easier to break again. And when you break once, it is hard to glue yourself back together.
So I am going to have a break today. This week has been one of the worst ever. And I think at times like this, I just need to stop. because I never allow myself too. I never allow myself to indulge in a hobby, or have a deep bath. I don’t because as a person, I am always working on getting better, on improving. But sometimes, to improve you have to stop. You have to think about the really important things in your life-like you family, friends and mental health. Becuase often we run through life full speed, doing whatever we are expected too. Following the steps of a normal life, and we don’t stop for long enough to see how beautiful life is. So in times like those, we have to go outside, stop running, slow down and give ourselves a hug.
Thank you so much for reading, hope you liked this absolute rambliness.
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