Hello, its Misstery. And I seriously do not know what has come over me. I used to plan every blog and every fine detail of each post. But recently I have been blogging almost every day, and just having cute little chats with you guys. And it is so very enjoyable. I feel like blogging has become this secret addiction for me, like this little thing that only I know about. And it fascinates me that I am so truly devoted to this blog. Trust me, I am defintely still writing my usual more put together style of posts, because I like to do them, I like to write in definite detail. But these blogs, where I am just me. And you are just you. These blogs feel great to write as well.
So its another little chatty one, all day my hands have been aching to type, aching to just pour out all my feeling that I cannot express day to day because I am so ridiculously antisocial its literally unreal. So recently I have found that I have had the most awful lack of motivation, due to stress. It has gotten to the point where somebody else will pour their problems to me and I will reply with my usual inspirational speech. Which will usually end with me saying ” do what you love, love what you do, forget about work, I have so much work to do, work, work, work, shall we start a strike ” and me sobbing.
I just feel like, this year. I have been under so much stress. That in between every exam and every unit of brand new education topped with a pile of adult responsibility, I have lost a piece of myself. A piece of what makes me unique. But i guess that is just what school does. I watch it change people. And I don’t see how i have only just realised how much it has changed me.
Yet still, even though my motivation has gone down the drain, I don’t even know who I am, I don’t know what I want to do. And my dignity ran away long ago. I still try my absolute hardest. And I guess it got me places. Recently I recieved some results for a few pieces of work ( let me just say very important, future changing work). And I got all A’s. And as good as I felt about it. I also felt doubtful. Whilst everybody else was celebrating and asking eachother what grades they got. I just felt this sense almost like I was disappointed, not at the grade, not at the work, I was disappointed at the fact that all i got out of this, out of this whole process of stress, was a letter.
And I am not saying that letter did not mean anything. Because it did. That letter symbolises nights spent crying (I am not even joking), my intellectuality but most of all my effort. But I think it is rather funny. That I invest myself so much into everything, just for a letter (it was a pretty good letter though, to be honest with you.)
But I just feel like, there is too much stress. For my age there is far too much stress to handle. And it really angers me. I know I have written another post before, which goes into much finer deatail on the topic. You can read that post here….https://missteryblog.wordpress.com/2016/01/06/what-happened-to-my-beautiful-education/. ( i am so sorry for that self promotion, i am disgusted with myself)
Stress is like this part of education that we just assume is nessesary, when it really does not have to be. But there is only two choices in the situation. Try your hardest, feel the stress and try to deal with it. This choice means continuously feeling like shit. Or you could not try at all. And this choice means that your future is damaged. There is no way out of the stress. And that is what annoys me.
So lovelies, I just want to say. That if you are feeling stressed (most probably) then please please take a second to reavaluate your situation. It is a letter. A letter. It does not exsist, it is simply a metaphorical symbol used to inaccurately measure intelligence. Take a day off. Make sure you feel happy, you cannot allow yourself to dissappear bit by bit every day. The most important thing about life is that you are unique and individual, and you should never let anything including stress take that away from you. Because then, there is a grade. A letter, but no person.
Thank you all so much for reading. I am very sorry about all these chatty posts I have been doing recently, I really hope they are not boring you all out.
Please like, comment and follow my blog, it makes one stressed out person very happy.