Hello. This has taken much deliberation. I have always been awful at making decisions. I think its because I am being trusted to make a choice that may effect or alter something. No matter how many opinions you gather the answer is ultimately chosen by you. And that scares me. I am going to be perfectly honest and say that I am not sure why I am writing this. I am not sure why I have spent hours trying to figure out what a ‘menu’ is or how to choose a background. But I figured for once I had to do something for myself and grab this opportunity while I still have it.
I guess all my life I have been scared of opportunity and the change it brings. But I have realised that sometimes the things you don’t want to need are the things you truly need the most. Sometimes the things I need are overtaken by this desire for everything to remain the same. By this fear of change. I feel like I need somewhere I can talk, what about I don’t know yet. All I know is that I need it. They often say talking to somebody helps, but its a lie .Talking to somebody who does not understand your situation has never helped and it has never fixed my problems, so I have learnt to keep quiet. Ever since I was young I have loved to write . I will admit it is not my favourite subject, but its one that I have huge respect for. I have always loved the feeling writing brings you. This sense of accomplishment and achievement. Writing gives you a opportunity to express yourself without actually talking. A awkward person’s dream. As I have grown certain fears have become stronger to fight and certain ones weaker. The fear of talking, stronger . So I always embraced writing over talking. I have tried many forms of writing to see which one suits me diaries, poems the list goes on. But all of them came with the same boundaries. There was always a objective to fulfil or ideas of what was correct and incorrect to write. And so I never found my place. I didn’t talk and writing couldn’t fulfil the urge to express a opinion. Until… I found this wonderful place named THE INTERNET . And boom that’s when I found my place, and my most close friends , but most importantly the internet is where I found myself. I saw the freedom you tubers relished in. And the way a single video or blog could express a different aspect on a situation . And the way it could change lives. I saw it defeat evil and create love and happiness. For those like me who had never found it. I found my best friends through being internet trash and I am not one bit ashamed. After all I think we all have a little fangirl living inside of us. But even on the internet I was still stuck in this mind set that I was never going to be able to achieve my dreams because I wasn’t capable to do it. Until now. I think my mind is my biggest enemy and I had to sit down and really talk myself out of my negative mind set. And then I started to realise that everybody is capable. Absolutely everybody is capable to do anything we wish to do. I just had to overcome my fear of change. its sad that I didn’t realise the things I am capable of achieving sooner, not only because of others but mostly because of my negative mind set and my fear of change. As we grow up our society forces us to live by stereotypes and I am lucky my upbringing taught me to be a complete rebel and go against all of them. I think that is probably why I fit into the internet world so well. Here people don’t live by stereotypes. We are one big accepting family. Even if we are all facing our own issues we are still there to offer support, because we know what it feels like to be alone. So even if there are bad, evil things in our world. I know the things team internet have achieved and the people I have discovered restore my faith in humanity. And I am so happy I have discovered them. Because these are the people that have created a new brand of celebrity, they have encouraged people to be free . But most importantly they have made a difference. And I really hope that one day I can do that as well. I know this will be hard for me because my whole life I have been so quiet. But I think the reason is started this blog is because I don’t want to be quiet anymore. I want to get over this fear of change.
thank you for reading